Thanksgiving/black Friday

Fat holidays are heeeeerrrreee you can eat you can gain weight like no other and it's fine because the holidays are finally here. Thanksgiving with its great feast. MMmmM turkey hello turkey leg. Sweet potatoes, pumpkin pies, stuffing, baked salmon, and more much more. I love it. And then there's Black Friday where all electronics are super super cheap. I got myself an IPad 4 yeheyyyy and I love love love it. The only thing I didn't like is that when you buy something there's a recycling fee. Blame the governor :( but it's allright the iPad was worth it white and 16gb. It's shopping season and the gift of giving. Everyone keeps on buying Mimi clothes and she has clothes she hasn't even worn yet. What about the mommy don't you guys want to buy her clothes also? Lol hehe I need to buy presents and I already have then in mind. Yay Christmas is coming I'm waay to excited k toodles.

Roadtrip

My family and I had a roadtrip to Texas, well I'm actually writing this blog on the way back to California, but I had a ton of fun with family in Texas. I wish everyone lived closer together. Texas is a relaxing simple living state while California is a high standard living state. In Texas a nice 2 story house would cost roughly about 200,000, but in California it would double that price or even more. Texas also doesn't pay taxes talk about rich Texas lol...we ate pretty much steak the whole week yeah well maybe 5/7 days we travelled it was all steak steak steak and I think now I'm good for a year without steak. It was delicious. There was also family parties every night yes every night lechon and pancit molo and cakes.... I gained about 8 pounds this whole trip but that's ok. You're suppose to gain weight during vacation. If you don't then you didn't have a good time on your trip. Mimi also had a lot of fun because everyone just want to hold her and play with her and she exchanges with smiles and giggles. The only thing I didn't like about this trip is parents nagging you to do this and that and ughh parents are just so arghhhhh!! I'm never driving with them also...waaaay to stressful. They need to take a chill pill. I'm tired Its nap time.

Shadow like a dog

Even if you've hurt me so much with your words and action I don't know why I can't stop loving you. I look at God and still pray to keep everything intact. We sort of worked it out a few days ago, but the trust is gone. It will take time to get it back so I will just be on my toes still watching and waiting for your next move. Be cunning and sly to see how you react and wonder why. That doxy needs to step back and understand that temporary is her nature. Once I get back in the picture you will be nothing than a mere shadow like a dog following from behind. Hope that I will not see you because when I do.....

Life is wonderful

I had too much fun yesterday I forgot all my problems. I realized that I can have a life. I can have fun. I just need these problems to go away. It will soon. Life is wonderful"It takes a thought to make a wordAnd it takes some words to make an actionIt takes some work to make it workIt takes some good to make it hurtIt takes some bad for satisfactionAnd it takes no time to fall in loveBut it takes you years to know what love isIt takes some fears to make you trustIt takes those tears to make it rust"It takes the dust to have it polished

Hard-hearted

My heart will be broken hearted forever but who says it won't turn hard hearted. The more you do what you do the easier it is to make choices that I know won't benefit your will. So keep on doing it because I know one day this soft heart will be lost forever. I have a feeling that by the time you realize it it will all be too late. You need to stop making irrational decisions. Love builds but it also destroys.... It's true.

Invest in yourself.

One day you'll see....I will be far greater than I am today... To be happy you need to invest in yourself and payback is priceless. Fix your problems one at a time. Direct your attention to higher grounds.

A tear

I remember the day you left to go back to your homeland I was 6 months pregnant. I remember you kissing our daughter with a teardrop running down your face. I tried to stop myself from crying so my weakness wouldn't show, but when you started walking towards the gate where I can't accompany you anymore that's when I couldn't hold it. So much tears rushed down because you didn't just leave us you took a piece of my heart with you. At that moment that was when I knew I found the one. But where did that man go? The man that kissed my belly and teared. I pray for you to come back. Please come back.

Beep.

I shouldn't have called... It's fine because I will call every few days and then those few days will turn into once a week and then those once a week will turn into every few weeks and then every few weeks will turn into every few months and then beep beep beep. Goodbye. I can't help to call because I wonder how you are. Is that so bad? Is it bad to care even if I know you hate me.

Insomnia What Ifs'.

I wonder why every night at around 3 I always wake up and no I don't believe in that whole ghost thing when if you wake up at 3 it means like theres a ghost watching you or something like that. It's like my body made a habit for going to the bathroom at 3 every night for about 2 weeks now. Also maybe its cause I've been taking diuretics. Every time I wake up I think about my problems and I end up staying up for about 2-3 hours constantly and desperately thinking of a way to get out of these problems. I can't shake it off. Everyone is telling me that time will heal, but what if it doesn't? I'm scared because I don't want to lose something thats too important to me. But what if this is Gods will? What if its destined to be like this. What if I was destined to feel this much pain so for the future I think harder on how to make better decisions. What if life is giving me a lesson? What if I shouldn't even be worrying right now because its all a lie? But what if its not a lie? What will happen to our offspring? What will I do or say when she asks me the questions that I wouldn't know the answers to? What will people say about me? What if he really loves her? I have so much questions to ask and I've been waiting for answers. You should know me well enough that I wouldn't do something like that. It feels like I'm going to have a heart attack.

Growth

I feel it within myself at how much ‘Ive changed through the experiences I’ve gone through these past few months. I’d like to think that I’m a pretty sincere and kind person but once someone does take that for granted I do start to build animosity towards them. I am still learning more about myself and when someone takes advantage of my kindness I don’t have much remorse. Too many times have I encountered this and quite frankly this is why I don’t trust people. I’ve learned that even the people who you think you can trust the most can F you over the hardest. I guess it’s my judgment as well, I am part of the blame. If I didn’t let them get to me that much I wouldn’t be regretting what could of or should of happened. I just need to realize that I can truly be happy again with time. Those who matter will stick around and those who do not will find their way out of my life eventually. I'm glad that I have my daughter because she is mine forever and no one can take her away.